I came back from She Speaks with a fire in my heart, ready to take on the "new" role that God had prepared for me. Somewhere along the way busyness took over and I stopped doing the things that keep my focus on Jesus. I started pouting. Stubbornness set in and my attitude went right down the drain.
I found myself thinking, "this is not the ministry I had in mind. I will do whatever you want God, but not this. When I said 'yes' I was imagining something more glamorous."
This "new" role that God gave me, looked suspiciously like the old role I had been filling for so long. He was calling me to be a wife and mother, to focus on my ministry within my family.
Similar to the way I hide vegetables in meals, so that my kids eat more, I felt like my Father tricked me.
Haven't I been doing this for years?
As my kids head back to school, I head back to Bible Study. In years past, I knew well ahead of time which study I was going to take. I would eagerly sign up, purchase the book needed and then count the days until my Tuesday morning time with friends. Recently, it came time to register for our fall study and I delayed registering. I knew where God was calling me and I was ignoring Him.
Last year, our church started a new group called MP3, it is geared towards mothers of school aged children. I didn't sign up for it, thinking Tuesday morning was my time to get away from home, to learn and be filled. I didn't want to talk about motherhood. I wanted to learn about the Bible. This summer, I realized that this is exactly the way God wanted me to go, and I didn't like it. My pride got in the way and told me I was giving up something that had always been mine.
I didn't register. I didn't open my Bible. I stopped turning on praise and worship music. I quit writing.
My best friend, Gidget, knew something was up. She recognized my isolating and feet-dragging for what it was. "Quit thinking and jump, it is going to be great," she counseled. "God has gone ahead of you. He is already there. He is asking you to join Him." I knew she was right, but I didn't want to hear the Truth.
Yet, here I am, writing. Gidget and I joke, that so often we get a great idea for a blog post and then during the writing process, we realize that God is trying to teach us something.
God uses my writing as a way to speak Truth into my life. This morning, I think back to the scriptures He gave me to memorize in the last few weeks, and the irony is not lost.
Do everything without grumbling or arguing. -Philippians 2:14 (NIV)
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9 (NIV)
Memorization is easy. Application, not so much.
My problem... I have been focused on myself, not on things above. I have been focused on my feelings and my desires instead of Him. I have been focused on what I can't do instead of what He can do. Me. Me. Me. Always a bad place!
God not my will but Yours. I mean it this time. Please give me the desires of my heart so that they align with Your desires. The place I have gone is lonely and not fun. Please forgive my pride and stubbornness. Help me get back on track. I don't want to go anywhere that you are not. Amen.
Psalm 37:4, Isaiah 30:21, Exodus 33:15
I feel like I could have wrote this post. *sigh* It's amazing what happens when we come back from SS. The attacks are so hard and heavy-hitting. Even knowing they're coming, they still hit and impact.
ReplyDeletePraying for you, my sister!!
Hey Lynette! He gave me the same message...go home and BE there. Don't just fill time until something better or more important comes along, but BE there. The funny thing is, I direct our mom's ministry, and sometimes I still feel like I have one foot out the door. When you think about it though, the family is the key building block to His kingdom on earth, and the stronger that unit is, the better our communities, states, countries, and world will be. Maybe you will raise up awesome little missionaries that will travel where we never got to! Billy Graham's mama was probably pretty pleased...
ReplyDelete@ Danielle- Thanks for the prayers. I will be praying for you too! The island is less lonely knowing I am not alone.
ReplyDelete@ Debbie- Thank you for the words of wisdom and the encouragement. SO true!
God is so good as He brings us to our knees! Thank you for sharing this dear one! What words of wisdom you speak into all our lives! Long ago God gave you a gift ... a calling! I think of your first plans to be a teacher... I think of the rainbow sent to you from heaven when Grandma left that day... You were the first to see it - traveling home with two children in tow! Was that perhaps a message for you? That pot of gold at the end of the rainbow... filled with God's Golden light and designed as your own personal message .... (2 Timothy 1:5 ESV) I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.
ReplyDeleteI rejoice that God has given to you this pot of gold ... your ministry -- created and designed just for you... There is no greater ministry than serving the children as you teach His Word, and speak His Word over their lives! A new world is to be created here on earth and you have been chosen to be His instrument! Heaven is rejoicing at this very moment!
MOM! Please warn me next time! I was trying to read this as I picked up Mr. D from school! TEARS! You are so wonderful and my biggest encourager. Thank you! I thank God for you often. I am going to tape this on my mirror! LOVE YOU!
ReplyDeleteNow it is my turn! TEARS!!! LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, Dear One! Could not be more blessed! I am eager to see where God leads you! Daily I watch as you travel the path that leads closer to God... Lessons that have taken me years to learn - you learn so quickly! I pray for you to be completely filled with Him. My new favorite verse... what I believe we were made for... what I am striving for...
ReplyDeleteJohn 3:30
“He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.”