I am a private person. I have a VERY short list of people that I confide in. There have been times I have shared things with people that I thought were "safe", and I have been burned! I have built walls to keep people out and to keep me safe. Therefore, this blog is a very big and scary step for me. I'm not going to spill everything, but I am still sharing pieces of myself that I don't normally share with people.
I also like to be in control. I like to plan... how my day will go, what I will do, what I will say. This often leads to frustration. Because, this is life! Things don't go my way. It is not my plan. I can't control what others say or do. I can't control what happens to me. (Lots of me's and I's in there!)
God has really been working on me this week about trust. Trust in Him and who He is. About surrendering my thoughts and actions to Him. There are so many thoughts that come at me during the day. Whether they are from others, from myself or even from the evil one. And I dwell on them, especially the bad and scary ones! Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Things are never going to go my way. But, that isn't a bad thing. God is love. Love is who he is. He cannot do anything that is not based in love. Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity." By surrendering my ways, I will be free of anything that holds me back from the person He created me to be. Trying to do it my way is weighing me down and holding me captive. I have to seek Him first (Matthew 6:33)!
As only God can, he taught me this week, and then presented the perfect opportunity to test my new "wisdom". The old me (from last week) would have tried to take control of the situation. Doing it my way. I stepped back from the situation. Recalled what God had showed me this week. I prayed and felt Him pushing me in a direction. "Really? You want me to do what?" I felt a confirmation, that is direction that he was pushing me. And I say pushing, because it was very against my own instincts! And then, He showed me... "Let go. I AM in control". I wasn't a vision with smoke and celestial lights, but I could see it written, with I AM in capital letters. "Ok. Ok, Father, I got it". So, I obeyed. It was scary, but I knew it was right.
I'm not sure how this situation will work out. But that isn't important, is it?
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