Circle of Friends, Part 2

The previous post titled: Circle of Friends is actually a devotional that my favorite cheerleader and I put together. It was a collaboration of ideas and personal experiences. I decided that I needed to write a follow-up to explain my friendship experiences and how my actions affected each of the circles.

God created us to need other people. In Genesis 2:18, God said, "it is not good for man to be alone", and I have felt that need for a long time. I patiently waited and prayed for a number 5 friendship in my life. I believe I was trying too hard to fit people from the 3's into the 4's and I think my pursuit of deeper relationships came across as being needy.

Another stumbling block for me was that, I wasn't comfortable being me and so, in every situation I tried to make myself be the person others would want to be with. Unlike Gidget, I am not an outgoing, flamboyant red-head. It is easy for me to get lost in the crowd. For so long, I tried to change my personality so that I would fit into any situation. But, like last year's jeans, it was really uncomfortable and it never really worked for me. I was never truly transparent with my thoughts and feelings and that made it difficult for people to befriend me. I didn't know who I was, so how could I expect others to know me?

I wanted so much to be liked, but I often found myself being forgotten or excluded. The loneliness multiplied.

My life has changed in the last several years. I owe it all to my new relationship, with my best friend, Jesus. When I sought him first (Matthew 6:33), everything else began to fall into place. He began chipping away all of the hurt and lies that I was clinging to. He showed me that:
   He created me in His image (Genesis 1:26-27)
   He created me on purpose with specific traits (Psalm 139:13)
   He has a specific plan for my life that will bring Him glory (Ephesians 1:11-14)
   He always loves me just as I am (Ephesians 1:4-6).
With Jesus, I am safe. He never hurts me or ignores me. He cries when I cry. He holds me when I need comfort. And of course, He is the first to joke or laugh when I get too serious. I know who I am now, I am free to be the person He made me.

My relationship with Jesus has freed the people around me. I am no longer looking to my friends to fill the place that only He can fill. My marriage has benefitted most from my new foundation in Christ. I was looking to the wrong person to keep me grounded and happy and fulfilled. A person can't do that. Humans are imperfect. As hard as we try, our feelings, temptations and moods get in the way of our relationships with other people. We end up hurting one another even when we don't mean to. Seeking fulfillment from the only one who can truly give it enables me to love others without fear of rejection or a hurt that won't go away.

He fills me, so that I can give that love to others. Any relationship that is worth having, is going to take work, effort and love. Whether it is a friendship or a marriage, you will get out of it what you put into it. I'm not saying that every relationship only needs more work to succeed. There are relationships that just don't work. There comes a time when you have to seriously consider whether your efforts are paying off. When the respect, love and friendship is not reciprocated, there is a clear break in the circle.

This week, while writing this devotional, it was necessary for me to look at one of my relationships that has taken a nose-dive off the edge of the circle. I can't continue to reach out to someone who has already moved on. I wanted to care for someone and heal them. I realized that I was being selfish. In trying to help them, I only really wanted to make myself feel better about letting them go. I also realized, that I was trying to take the place of God in this person's life. He is the Healer, not me. So, I will let go of this cherished friend for now. I will continue to pray for healing and restoration of this relationship. Although I am sad, I feel blessed by the time that we walked together and maybe our journey will cross again someday.

Friendships enrich our lives and make all things bearable. They are well worth the time and effort.

Lord, I thank you for your friendship. Thank you for sending your son to teach me how to truly be a friend. I know that it will not always be easy to be friends with other people. Please help me to be kind, loving, forgiving, generous and patient. Help me to reach out of my comfort zone and connect with other people. Show me where I am looking to the wrong person for friendship and please help me love the 4’s and 5’s in my life (or bring more if needed). I know that you will always be my very best friend and no one can take your place at the center of my Circle of Friends. I love you and look forward to our future together. Amen.