While at my retreat at the end of April, the pastor mentioned her church had just read the Bible in 90 days. Last summer, I let my study go a little bit and I didn't want to repeat the same mistake. I decided that I would read the Bible this summer and that I would start on June 1. I have never read the Bible cover to cover. I have read books and chapters and verses. But, I have never done the whole thing from Genesis to Revelation.
There are several reading plans available on Biblegateway.com. So, as June 1 approached, I went to the website to prepare. Imagine my surprise when I discovered the Summer Reading Challenge! I signed up on the website and also on Facebook. I feel like I am part of a group instead of doing it alone. There are daily emails full of encouragement and stories from other people.
My prayer before I started my reading:
Father, your word is precious to me. I don't want to read alone. Please let me hear your voice as I read. Holy Spirit, please speak to me and make the stories personal to my life. I don't want to hurry through my reading, just to get it done. I want to feel the emotions, smell the smells and see the stories come alive. I want your word to penetrate my heart. I want it to become part of me and who I am. Please help me to learn and remember your word. I ask this in the precious name of your son, Jesus.
It's not too late to join me!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Be Bold
I have been praying lately that God would make me more bold.
My good friend tells me that I am bold in my prayer life. That I ask for things she would never think to ask. One of my recent prayer requests was that I become more like the woman from Proverbs 31. She has it together! Her house is in order, her husband praises her and her children call her blessed, she works to help her family and I bet she never ran out of milk or bread.
She is a godly woman. Verse 30 says, Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. I would like to know more about her. I would like to know what her prayer life was like. What did she pray for? How did she approach God? My guess is that she was bold. She was a go-getter! Buying property, planting a vineyard and then (I'm assuming) selling the grapes to make a profit. I don't know much about the other women of her time, but I am guessing they were more concerned about the affairs of the house than buying property. She was not the normal housewife.
She always knew what to say to others. Verse 26- She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Sometimes I say the most foolish things and there are times I don't know what to say. More times than I would like to count, however, I hold my tongue and don't speak. The subject is often faith. Why do I worry so much about offending others with talk of Jesus? I am comfortable with people that I know, but with people that I don't know, I censor myself.
One scripture that has always stood out to me is Matthew 7:21-23 - 21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' Jesus is talking about false prophets. People who say they are from God, but they are not. For a long time, this scripture did not make me uncomfortable. I figured that Jesus was talking about the people that claim to know God, but had nothing to back it up. Until I did a little more digging. The NIV study Bible references Romans 10:9-10 9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. I have confessed that Jesus is Lord and I believe it in my heart. I believe I have been saved.
Luke 12:8-9 8"I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. 9But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God.
From the dictionary:
- acknowledge: 1. to admit 2. to show recognition of 3. to show appreciation for
- disown: to refuse to acknowledge as belonging to oneself
That makes me a little more uncomfortable! I have never outright disowned him, but there are times that I don't speak up about my love for him because it is "not the right time" or "it is not the right place" or "I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable". Is there much difference between disowning and remaining silent?
I want to be more bold in my relationship with him. I submitted my application for baptism yesterday. I filled out my paperwork almost a year ago and then I got nervous and didn't turn it in. I was baptized by sprinkling, but not immersed like every baptism in the Bible. It is a big, bold, public statement at our church. There is an auditorium filled with more than a thousand people and that scares me. I don't have to talk in front of anyone, but I have to walk out on the stage and get into the pool. I know that God has been leading me in this direction. And I want to be obedient.
- bold: 1. courageous and daring 2. vivid; prominent
Acts 4:29 Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness.
I firmly grasp the prayer of Paul:
Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. Ephesians 6:19-20
My good friend tells me that I am bold in my prayer life. That I ask for things she would never think to ask. One of my recent prayer requests was that I become more like the woman from Proverbs 31. She has it together! Her house is in order, her husband praises her and her children call her blessed, she works to help her family and I bet she never ran out of milk or bread.
She is a godly woman. Verse 30 says, Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. I would like to know more about her. I would like to know what her prayer life was like. What did she pray for? How did she approach God? My guess is that she was bold. She was a go-getter! Buying property, planting a vineyard and then (I'm assuming) selling the grapes to make a profit. I don't know much about the other women of her time, but I am guessing they were more concerned about the affairs of the house than buying property. She was not the normal housewife.
She always knew what to say to others. Verse 26- She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Sometimes I say the most foolish things and there are times I don't know what to say. More times than I would like to count, however, I hold my tongue and don't speak. The subject is often faith. Why do I worry so much about offending others with talk of Jesus? I am comfortable with people that I know, but with people that I don't know, I censor myself.
One scripture that has always stood out to me is Matthew 7:21-23 - 21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' Jesus is talking about false prophets. People who say they are from God, but they are not. For a long time, this scripture did not make me uncomfortable. I figured that Jesus was talking about the people that claim to know God, but had nothing to back it up. Until I did a little more digging. The NIV study Bible references Romans 10:9-10 9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. I have confessed that Jesus is Lord and I believe it in my heart. I believe I have been saved.
Luke 12:8-9 8"I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. 9But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God.
From the dictionary:
- acknowledge: 1. to admit 2. to show recognition of 3. to show appreciation for
- disown: to refuse to acknowledge as belonging to oneself
That makes me a little more uncomfortable! I have never outright disowned him, but there are times that I don't speak up about my love for him because it is "not the right time" or "it is not the right place" or "I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable". Is there much difference between disowning and remaining silent?
I want to be more bold in my relationship with him. I submitted my application for baptism yesterday. I filled out my paperwork almost a year ago and then I got nervous and didn't turn it in. I was baptized by sprinkling, but not immersed like every baptism in the Bible. It is a big, bold, public statement at our church. There is an auditorium filled with more than a thousand people and that scares me. I don't have to talk in front of anyone, but I have to walk out on the stage and get into the pool. I know that God has been leading me in this direction. And I want to be obedient.
- bold: 1. courageous and daring 2. vivid; prominent
Acts 4:29 Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness.
I firmly grasp the prayer of Paul:
Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. Ephesians 6:19-20
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Forget-Him-Not
I recently returned from a retreat. There is a labyrinth on the grounds of the retreat center, that is similar to the one pictured above. We had a break in our sessions and a few of us decided to walk the labyrinth. I entered the path and began my journey. I had to keep reminding myself to focus on Jesus. My mind kept wandering to my loved ones, my to do list and at one point I wondered what was on the menu for dinner. The walk in, seemed long. When would I reach the center? There were so many twists and turns, back and forth. When I started one way, the path quickly turned and led me back in the direction from where I had come. It seemed like forever until I reached the center.
Once in the center, I tried to feel the presence of God. I paused for a few moments enjoying the quiet and the stillness. When I felt the urge to move, I did. I began walking and it was very different. I was calmer and I wasn't in a hurry to get out.
I began thinking about different things that I have been praying about. And then, I saw something amazing. There along the path, was a tiny forget-me-not beginning to bloom. They are so small, I must have missed it on my way in. I moved along and thought of another recent prayer request. There, along the path, was another forget-me-not. Huh, how did I miss that one too? Each time I began thinking about my prayer list, there was a tiny little blue flower along the path. The labyrinth was full of them! I had missed them all. Each time I thought of a prayer request or concern, I could sense God saying "forget-me-not. I am bigger than that problem." At one point I thought about one of my "big ones". One of the prayers that is always at the top of my list and at the front of my mind. "Did you forget who I am?" he whispered.
What about..? forget-me-not
What about...? forget-me-not
I could feel His presence so completely, that it seemed like we were walking together. With each step, I could hear his Spirit speaking to me. Do not forget who I am.
Psalm 103
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.
___
Folklore and legend of the forget-me-not from Wikipedia. In a German legend, God named all the plants when a tiny unnamed one cried out, "Forget-me-not, O Lord!" God replied, "That shall be your name."In another legend, the little flower cried out, "Forget-me-not!" as Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden.
In yet another, the Christ Child was sitting on Mary's lap one day and said that he wished that future generations could see her eyes. He touched her eyes and then waved his hand over the ground and blue forget-me-nots appeared, hence the name forget-me-not.
___
I have been trying to grow forget-me-nots in my garden for several years, without success. I finally found a spot where they are happy and they are flourishing! When I got home from the retreat, my little angel was waiting in the flowers.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Seeking Wise Counsel
This topic has come up so many times in the last year, I felt compelled to write something about it.
There are so many decisions to make. Some are life changing, while others barely deserve a second thought. It is so important to stay tuned in to God and his promptings, because even the slightest decision can have huge consequences.
I am really thinking about the big ones though. The decisions that change our life. It is so easy to go over and over a situation in our mind without seeking advice. I am very good at this!
A dear friend of mine has a check-list of sorts that she uses before making any big decisions. First, she checks her spirit. What feels right in your heart? What is your gut telling you? All believers have access to God through the Holy Spirit. Paying attention to (and obeying) this voice could keep us out of so many sticky situations and help us make wise decisions. Her second check is the Bible. What does God say about your decision? It may take some hunting, but again, follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and he will lead you to scripture that fits your situation. If you don't know where to start, there are some great sources on the internet to help you out. Break out your concordance, search biblegateway.com or biblestudytools.com. Google can even be a good source to get you started. But, I encourage you to check the scripture for yourself, in your own Bible. Lastly, she seeks wise counsel. Ask a pastor, or godly person whom you respect and trust. These three often echo the same answer. You will sense where God is leading you.
When we are not walking closely with God, it is easy to find someone who will tell us what we want to hear. If I am mad at my husband, I have a friend I can call, who will tell me "you are so right and he is so wrong". She will tell me that all men are rotten and that my husband is no better. That I have every right to be upset and that I should never expect anything better from him. Is this wise? No. It may make me feel better for a minute, but not in the long run. It is not always easy or painless to do the right thing. I have another friend who I can call who will be honest. She will listen, and tell me the truth. It may not be what I want to hear, but if I am being ridiculous about something, she is sure to tell me. This is part of growing up and following in the footsteps of Jesus.
This also makes me analyze the kind of friend that I am. When someone calls me for advice, do I take the easy way out and tell them what I know they want to hear or do I tell the more difficult truth? I know what God wants me to say. It is so hard sometimes, growing in our walk with Him. I risk losing friends that have been around for awhile, people who may not want to know God or his truth. But, then I ask, are these the friends that I really want around anyway?
We will always have big decisions to make. Following God does not mean that all of our questions go away. By seeking Him though, we can follow the path that He has prepared for us.
Lord, please guide my decisions today. I want to follow in your path. Help me to seek the truth and to be a truth teller.
There are so many decisions to make. Some are life changing, while others barely deserve a second thought. It is so important to stay tuned in to God and his promptings, because even the slightest decision can have huge consequences.
I am really thinking about the big ones though. The decisions that change our life. It is so easy to go over and over a situation in our mind without seeking advice. I am very good at this!
A dear friend of mine has a check-list of sorts that she uses before making any big decisions. First, she checks her spirit. What feels right in your heart? What is your gut telling you? All believers have access to God through the Holy Spirit. Paying attention to (and obeying) this voice could keep us out of so many sticky situations and help us make wise decisions. Her second check is the Bible. What does God say about your decision? It may take some hunting, but again, follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and he will lead you to scripture that fits your situation. If you don't know where to start, there are some great sources on the internet to help you out. Break out your concordance, search biblegateway.com or biblestudytools.com. Google can even be a good source to get you started. But, I encourage you to check the scripture for yourself, in your own Bible. Lastly, she seeks wise counsel. Ask a pastor, or godly person whom you respect and trust. These three often echo the same answer. You will sense where God is leading you.
When we are not walking closely with God, it is easy to find someone who will tell us what we want to hear. If I am mad at my husband, I have a friend I can call, who will tell me "you are so right and he is so wrong". She will tell me that all men are rotten and that my husband is no better. That I have every right to be upset and that I should never expect anything better from him. Is this wise? No. It may make me feel better for a minute, but not in the long run. It is not always easy or painless to do the right thing. I have another friend who I can call who will be honest. She will listen, and tell me the truth. It may not be what I want to hear, but if I am being ridiculous about something, she is sure to tell me. This is part of growing up and following in the footsteps of Jesus.
This also makes me analyze the kind of friend that I am. When someone calls me for advice, do I take the easy way out and tell them what I know they want to hear or do I tell the more difficult truth? I know what God wants me to say. It is so hard sometimes, growing in our walk with Him. I risk losing friends that have been around for awhile, people who may not want to know God or his truth. But, then I ask, are these the friends that I really want around anyway?
We will always have big decisions to make. Following God does not mean that all of our questions go away. By seeking Him though, we can follow the path that He has prepared for us.
Lord, please guide my decisions today. I want to follow in your path. Help me to seek the truth and to be a truth teller.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The waiting game (Part 1?)
I read the story of Sarai this week (Genesis 12-17). God spoke to Abram and said "I will make you a great nation. I will bless you." The scripture says nothing about his wife Sarai, other than Abram took her along with all their possessions and set out for Canaan. Along the way, God said to Abram "I will give this land to your offspring."
We learn that Sarai, has not been able to conceive a child. God had made a promise to Abram, but never mentioned his wife. I'm sure that it was a given that God would bless Abram and Sarai with a child, but why didn't he mention her?
Sarai, gets tired of waiting and takes the situation into her own hands. This is where it goes downhill quickly! She gives her maidservant to Abram as a wife, so that he can have children. It was a custom at that time, for men to adopt servant children as heirs, if they didn't have children of their own. Hagar conceives a child. Animosity and tension builds between the two women.
Again, the Lord appears to Abram and says Hagar's child is not the one he will bless. There is another child that will come from Sarai (who is now 90 years old) and this child will be the son that God intends to bless and make fruitful.
So, Sarai (now called Sarah) messed up because she didn't wait on God. She didn't wait for Him to fulfill the promise that he made with Abram (now called Abraham).
I have been thinking about my life and the times I have waited on God, either patiently or impatiently. There are also plenty of times that I have not waited. I can completely identify with Sarah. God made a deal with Abraham and never directly mentioned who the mother would be. So, maybe He didn't mean her? She was in a holding pattern and felt like she needed to do something. She didn't want to be the one standing in the way of her husband's blessing. There have been opportunities in my life that came up, and I wonder "am I supposed to move on this or do I wait on God"? There have been times I have stepped out on faith, things don't go well and I wonder "was I wrong for moving ahead"?
In The Feminine Soul by Janet Davis, she speaks to this topic. "At times our exclusion from God's work is as real as Sarai's infertility. In those times it is far easier to draw false conclusions, to blame, and to settle for less than it is to persevere in our vision, struggle, and unfulfilled desire. It is critically important to own that we, like Sarai, have sometimes been the first ones to give up the vision of our contribution to the whole of the church, unwilling to remain engaged in the difficult and painful struggle."
It is easier to think, than wait. I start thinking instead of waiting. I think myself right out of the plan that God had prepared. It can be so painful! Things happened between Sarai and Hagar that would have never occurred if Sarai had only waited.
I am not finished with this study. Here are my questions:
How do we know when to wait?
How do we know when to step out on faith?
Why didn't God mention Sarai/Sarah until the final covenant?
We learn that Sarai, has not been able to conceive a child. God had made a promise to Abram, but never mentioned his wife. I'm sure that it was a given that God would bless Abram and Sarai with a child, but why didn't he mention her?
Sarai, gets tired of waiting and takes the situation into her own hands. This is where it goes downhill quickly! She gives her maidservant to Abram as a wife, so that he can have children. It was a custom at that time, for men to adopt servant children as heirs, if they didn't have children of their own. Hagar conceives a child. Animosity and tension builds between the two women.
Again, the Lord appears to Abram and says Hagar's child is not the one he will bless. There is another child that will come from Sarai (who is now 90 years old) and this child will be the son that God intends to bless and make fruitful.
So, Sarai (now called Sarah) messed up because she didn't wait on God. She didn't wait for Him to fulfill the promise that he made with Abram (now called Abraham).
I have been thinking about my life and the times I have waited on God, either patiently or impatiently. There are also plenty of times that I have not waited. I can completely identify with Sarah. God made a deal with Abraham and never directly mentioned who the mother would be. So, maybe He didn't mean her? She was in a holding pattern and felt like she needed to do something. She didn't want to be the one standing in the way of her husband's blessing. There have been opportunities in my life that came up, and I wonder "am I supposed to move on this or do I wait on God"? There have been times I have stepped out on faith, things don't go well and I wonder "was I wrong for moving ahead"?
In The Feminine Soul by Janet Davis, she speaks to this topic. "At times our exclusion from God's work is as real as Sarai's infertility. In those times it is far easier to draw false conclusions, to blame, and to settle for less than it is to persevere in our vision, struggle, and unfulfilled desire. It is critically important to own that we, like Sarai, have sometimes been the first ones to give up the vision of our contribution to the whole of the church, unwilling to remain engaged in the difficult and painful struggle."
It is easier to think, than wait. I start thinking instead of waiting. I think myself right out of the plan that God had prepared. It can be so painful! Things happened between Sarai and Hagar that would have never occurred if Sarai had only waited.
I am not finished with this study. Here are my questions:
How do we know when to wait?
How do we know when to step out on faith?
Why didn't God mention Sarai/Sarah until the final covenant?
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
You Alone
I woke up in such a bad place today- to be honest- I went to sleep in one too. Picking up, cleaning up, putting away, bringing in. Why doesn't anyone do for themselves? Why am I the only one who sees the dirt on the floor or the garbage cans at the street? There is so much that needs to be done and so much that I want to do.
God, help me! I am in an ugly place!
1 Peter 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Father, save me and deliver me.
Psalm 7:1-2 O LORD my God, I take refuge in you;
save and deliver me from all who pursue me,
Hannah's Prayer
1 Then Hannah prayed and said:
"My heart rejoices in the LORD;
in the LORD my horn is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
for I delight in your deliverance.
2 "There is no one holy like the LORD;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God.
3 "Do not keep talking so proudly
or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
for the LORD is a God who knows,
and by him deeds are weighed.
4 "The bows of the warriors are broken,
but those who stumbled are armed with strength.
5 Those who were full hire themselves out for food,
but those who were hungry hunger no more.
She who was barren has borne seven children,
but she who has had many sons pines away.
6 "The LORD brings death and makes alive;
he brings down to the grave and raises up.
7 The LORD sends poverty and wealth;
he humbles and he exalts.
8 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
and has them inherit a throne of honor.
"For the foundations of the earth are the LORD's;
upon them he has set the world.
9 He will guard the feet of his saints,
but the wicked will be silenced in darkness.
"It is not by strength that one prevails;
10 those who oppose the LORD will be shattered.
He will thunder against them from heaven;
the LORD will judge the ends of the earth.
"He will give strength to his king
and exalt the horn of his anointed."
You alone are worthy of praise.
God, help me! I am in an ugly place!
1 Peter 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Father, save me and deliver me.
Psalm 7:1-2 O LORD my God, I take refuge in you;
save and deliver me from all who pursue me,
2 or they will tear me like a lion
and rip me to pieces with no one to rescue me.
Lord, help me to be happy.
Psalm 5:11 But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
Father, please fill me with joy.
Psalm 4:7 You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound
God, I praise you!
1 Samuel 2:1-10Hannah's Prayer
1 Then Hannah prayed and said:
"My heart rejoices in the LORD;
in the LORD my horn is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
for I delight in your deliverance.
2 "There is no one holy like the LORD;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God.
3 "Do not keep talking so proudly
or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
for the LORD is a God who knows,
and by him deeds are weighed.
4 "The bows of the warriors are broken,
but those who stumbled are armed with strength.
5 Those who were full hire themselves out for food,
but those who were hungry hunger no more.
She who was barren has borne seven children,
but she who has had many sons pines away.
6 "The LORD brings death and makes alive;
he brings down to the grave and raises up.
7 The LORD sends poverty and wealth;
he humbles and he exalts.
8 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
and has them inherit a throne of honor.
"For the foundations of the earth are the LORD's;
upon them he has set the world.
9 He will guard the feet of his saints,
but the wicked will be silenced in darkness.
"It is not by strength that one prevails;
10 those who oppose the LORD will be shattered.
He will thunder against them from heaven;
the LORD will judge the ends of the earth.
"He will give strength to his king
and exalt the horn of his anointed."
You alone are worthy of praise.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Trasparency
I have been thinking about transparency a lot lately. It keeps coming up in things I read and hear. As I am learning, this is a Sacred Echo. Something that God wants me to listen and pay attention to.
It is scary and difficult for me to be real sometimes. It is not easy to share my deepest experiences, thoughts or insecurities. I constantly wonder what others will think. I clean my house before anyone comes over, so they will not see the piles of paper, the toys and various clothing items that litter the house from one end to the other. When I speak, I filter my words and edit myself so others will not think less of me. To some extent this is good- feelings don't get hurt when I slow down and choose words more carefully. But, at times it is not real, it is not who I am.
I do this in daily life and I started wondering, do I do this with God? I will confess, that lately my prayer life has been rather stagnant. There are so many people and requests on my prayer list and I send out little prayers throughout the day. But, I have not had a good quiet prayer time in a while. I let myself get caught up in perfectionism (maybe an evil whisper) and it silenced me. "Am I saying the right thing? Am I asking the right way? Is this Gods will? What does He think? Do I sound like a whining child?"
This morning however, I started to journal. So many thoughts came to me. God loves us at every moment of our lives. He wants to hear from us, no matter what we sound like. If I were perfect, I wouldn't need Him. We learn through each stage of life and He is our teacher.
I thought of my children. When they were little, I taught them sign language so that they could communicate their needs before they could speak. As they learned to talk, we continued to use our sign language and added simple speech into the mix. Now, they are speaking in sentences. Some of them are grammatically correct and others are not. I encourage them to use please and thank you. When they forget, I simply say "try again, but nicer this time". I don't get angry or condemn, I am trying to teach them. Through it all, I love them. I love to teach them, I love to watch them develop and learn. I see their progress everyday and my heart swells with pride to see the wonderful people that they are becoming.
How much more does God love us? How much more patience does He have? Each step of our life He can see our progress. He remembers where we started and He knows where we are going. He is so proud of us in this moment when we reach out and talk with him. No matter what we sound like. To Him, it is good.
It is scary and difficult for me to be real sometimes. It is not easy to share my deepest experiences, thoughts or insecurities. I constantly wonder what others will think. I clean my house before anyone comes over, so they will not see the piles of paper, the toys and various clothing items that litter the house from one end to the other. When I speak, I filter my words and edit myself so others will not think less of me. To some extent this is good- feelings don't get hurt when I slow down and choose words more carefully. But, at times it is not real, it is not who I am.
I do this in daily life and I started wondering, do I do this with God? I will confess, that lately my prayer life has been rather stagnant. There are so many people and requests on my prayer list and I send out little prayers throughout the day. But, I have not had a good quiet prayer time in a while. I let myself get caught up in perfectionism (maybe an evil whisper) and it silenced me. "Am I saying the right thing? Am I asking the right way? Is this Gods will? What does He think? Do I sound like a whining child?"
This morning however, I started to journal. So many thoughts came to me. God loves us at every moment of our lives. He wants to hear from us, no matter what we sound like. If I were perfect, I wouldn't need Him. We learn through each stage of life and He is our teacher.
I thought of my children. When they were little, I taught them sign language so that they could communicate their needs before they could speak. As they learned to talk, we continued to use our sign language and added simple speech into the mix. Now, they are speaking in sentences. Some of them are grammatically correct and others are not. I encourage them to use please and thank you. When they forget, I simply say "try again, but nicer this time". I don't get angry or condemn, I am trying to teach them. Through it all, I love them. I love to teach them, I love to watch them develop and learn. I see their progress everyday and my heart swells with pride to see the wonderful people that they are becoming.
How much more does God love us? How much more patience does He have? Each step of our life He can see our progress. He remembers where we started and He knows where we are going. He is so proud of us in this moment when we reach out and talk with him. No matter what we sound like. To Him, it is good.
My daughter was sitting with her Grandfather recently. "I pray for you every night", she said. I was so proud of her. I pray that she never loses that honesty. I pray that I can be like her.
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